It is me, anonymous mother in recovery. I remain anonymous for my safety. But I can assure you I am not another number. I refuse to be another statistic, and I refuse to let my voice be unheard.
I am writing my story today to give hope to all the still suffering addicts who don't think they deserve a second chance. To the mothers, the fathers, the daughters, and the sons. You are worth of recovery. You are worthy of a second chance at life.
My story started when I was at a very young age. I had a mom who struggled with her own addictions, and a father who only existed in a toxic form. I was sexually assaulted at a very young age by a trusting adult. I struggled all throughout school, being bullied, or just not fitting in. In grade seven, I discovered substances. They numbed me out, and made me forget about the pain. That's when I started to find heavier substances. By the age of fourteen, I was no longer in school. I had run away from home several times, and by the age of fifteen, I was in full blown active addiction. I was always chasing something but I never knew what it was.
I got into a relationship with an abusive man. I was 15, and he was 19. We moved in together, and stayed together for 5.5 years. We both struggled with our addictions. Again, I used substances to numb the pain. After we broke up I turned into a homeless youth and ended up in a shelter. Through the shelter I discovered recovery for the first time. But I couldn't stay clean. I had to have drugs at all costs... literally! It wasn't until 2009 that I actually gave up completely, and trusted in a 12 step program.
For the first time in my existence I didn't feel like I had to run. I didn't feel alone, and unheard. I felt like I belonged. Unfortunately in 2014 I relapsed, and struggled until 2018 to stay clean again. It was a hard spiral. The best thing out of that 4 year stretch was conceiving a beautiful baby. I was very fortunate to bare this child clean.
I am also extremely fortunate to have found Mother’s Recovery Tribe. This is a group of Mamas that have each others back! I had to flee from domestic violence within the last year, and MRT was there for me the entire time.